Deep Thoughts


July-August 1992 – My First Trip to Australia
It was an emergency trip. My mom and I had to fly out to Sydney because my grandfather died of heart attack. My grandpa died on July 19 (my mom’s bday) and in two or three days we left Manila.

When we arrived in Sydney, it was 4 degrees–my first taste of Winter Season.

My first impression of this country: Malinis ang paligid, may disiplina ang mga tao at hindi ako napapagod sa byahe kasi walang traffic.

Since I was only 15 years old at that time, I never really cared much about this country. Basta ang idea ko noon, bakasyon ito so dapat enjoy lang. Although napansin ko na talaga na parang mas maginhawa ang buhay ng mga tao dito compared sa Pilipinas. Ang focus ko noon ay makipag-bonding lang sa mga relatives ko especially sa mga pinsan ko na noon ko lang ulit nakita.

My photo here with my Tita Bess and Baby Rachel was taken at their first house in Oakhurst. Oh ha? may bangs pa ako nyan at ang kapal pa ng kilay ko hehehe. Neneng-nene diba?

Nang pauwi na kami sa Pilipinas sobrang lungkot ko kaya pinangarap ko na lang uling makabalik ng Sydney para magbakasyon at makasama ang mga pinsan ko.


December 2001-January 2002 – My 2nd Trip to Australia

Ang focus naman ng trip na ito ay para mag-celebrate ng debut ng pinsan kong si Clare. Pero ginusto ko talagang umalis ng Pilipinas because it so happened that I was recovering from a failed relationship. Gusto ko na talagang mag-move on noon pero nahihirapan ako kaya umalis na lang muna ako. And there’s another reason pa pala: I wanted to celebrate my 25th birthday in Sydney as well.

Eto ang isa sa pinakamasayang reunion ng pamilya namin (mother’s side) kasi mas marami kaming lugar na napasyalan and since most of us cousins are over 18 y/o, naka-gimik din kami sa mga bars sa City.

Dito sa photo na’to, kasama ko ang mga pinsan kong sina Dianne, Michelle, Ayie at si Bobby na parang half-cousin namin (hindi ko talaga alam kung anong relasyon namin sa kanya hehehe) na nakatira naman sa Canada. Summer season that time kaya sobrang init!!!

It was during this vacation that I realized I wanted to live here. As in, nasabi ko sa sarili ko na kung mag-migrate ako, dito ako pupunta. Nakita ko kasi sa lifestyle ng mga relatives ko kung gaano kaginhawa talaga ang buhay dito basta may stable job ka at marunong ka sa buhay. Nakita ko na kung may effort ka in making your life comfortable, may result kahit papaano at umaasenso agad ang buhay nila. It was also during this time that my relatives were encouraging me to live here. So parang lalo akong na-enganyo. Tapos si Hilda (my college barkada) was already living here na rin. At ang pinakagusto ko sa lahat, tahimik ang pamumuhay dito.

While writing this, I realized that during my 2nd visit, si Chris wala pa sa buhay ko. Nung time na yun, ‘magka-away’ pa kami ni Chris sa office. Di pa kami friends, pareho pa kaming inis sa presence namin hehehe. Yung inisan namin tungkol sa work. Pagbalik ko sa Pilipinas (Feb 2002), dun lang kami na-introduce sa isa’t-isa (formally) at eventually naging magka-barkada.

When Chris and I went steady, sinabayan naman ng lola ko ng tanong na “Do you want to live here? Coz if you really want to, I’ll help you.” At the same time, Chris’ dad offered to help him migrate to Canada. Since Chris and I are very open to opportunities, pareho kaming nag-“yes” (ako sa lola ko, siya naman sa dad nya). Pero inuna namin (ko) na mag-apply sa Australia kasi mas gusto ko ang lifestyle dito. After a year and 4 months from the time I lodged my application, I was granted my visa to live here.

16 October 2005 – Arrived in Australia as an Immigrant Photo taken on my 2nd week in Sydney, on my way to work.

The constant challenge on my first year here was to stay in this country. Everyday, eto ang motto ko: Everyday is an achievement.

Why?

Because everyday really is an achievement for me. Araw-araw kasi nung first year ko dito, gusto kong bumalik ng Pilipinas.

I know in my entries last year, parang enjoy naman ako sa buhay dito, at totoo naman yun. Kasi yun lang ang pwede kong gawin—mag-enjoy kung anong meron ako (count your blessings) at kung nasaan man ako (bloom where you’re planted). It was never my attitude to wallow. But I will also never deny the fact that my first year was a struggle. I had a lot of questions, hesitations and what-ifs. But I avoided focusing on negative thoughts that would make me weak. Kaya kahit may mga tanong na ako mismo ay di ko masagot, hinayaan ko lang na pumasok sa katauhan ko ang lahat ng learning na pwede kong mapulot sa paligid ko.

Eto ang entry ko last year nang mag-celebrate ako ng 1st anniversary ko dito: 1st Sydney Anniversary

16 October 2007 – Happy 2nd Sydney-Anniversary to Me!!

Has it already been two years? Where did the time go?

When I was about to go back to the Phils for my wedding and vacation, I thought I would have a hard time coming back here. Bago palang ako umuwi ng Phils, ito ang tanong ko sa aking sarili: Paano kung matapos kong makabalik sa Pilipinas eh hindi na ako tumapak uli ng airport pabalik ng Australia?

Pero nakabuti ang pag-uwi ko sa Pilipinas kasi na-realize ko na mahal ko na rin ang Sydney. Nang minsang tanungin ako ng isa sa mga kaibigan ko ng “Kelan ka babalik ng Sydney?”, bigla kong nasabi na “I go home on February.” Nagulat ako at nasabi ko ang salitang “home”.

Pagbalik ko dito, na-realize ko na masuwerte ako at dalawa na ang home ko. I realized na hindi naman pala masama kung mahal ko pareho ang Pilipinas at Australia. I realized that I will always be a Filipino and I will always miss my family and friends in the Phils but I also have a life here that I have come to love.

Just last week, I told my mom, “Mommy, I realized na ginusto kong manirahan dito sa Sydney, na hindi ako nandito dahil pressured ako o dahil gusto mo lang.”

Nasabi ko yun kasi last year, sa sobrang lungkot at confusion ko hindi ko talaga maisip kung bakit ako napunta sa Sydney. Parang nagka-amnesia ako dahil sa homesickness ko.

But now I know. I’m here because it is my choice to be here. I’m here because I worked hard just to be here.

Now that my resolves are clear, I’ve made up my mind to focus on our life here in Sydney. Kasi naman last year, gusto ko bilhin LAHAT—bumili ng property sa Phils at dito, bumili ng sasakyan sa Phils at dito…para akong gumagawa ng dalawang buhay, which is not right. For one, hindi pa naman ako milyonarya hehehehe. So kabaliwan lang talaga ang iniisip ko to have everything at the same time. Seriously, magagalit si Jesus kung sobra-sobra naman sa material things lalo na kung di naman kailangan.

Today, I really wanted to tell you about how I’ve changed since last year but I didn’t. Maybe one of these days I’ll write about it. But for now, I’ve just decided to tell you how I got myself here and that I now have two countries that I consider home. Two countries, two homes, two sets of friends…two of everything. Sometimes, blessings come in twos, so happy 2nd Sydney-Anniversary to me!!! 🙂

Dear Husband,

Last Saturday, as I was aboard a ferry going to the beach, I saw an elderly couple sitting by the front deck with arms around each other. The woman caught my attention because we both had the same digital camera. Then suddenly, I saw the man holding a DSLR camera taking photographs of the woman. It reminded me of us. Of how we love going places and taking photographs together. Of how we love taking photos of each other. Of how we love just being near each other and making each other laugh. For the most part of the ride, they just sat together and enjoyed the view. The husband wrapped his arms around his wife, while the wife leaned on her husband’s shoulders. From time to time, they would talk and laugh.

While watching them I asked myself “Will we be like them when we grow old?”, “Will we still enjoy each other’s company?”, “Will we still look at each other tenderly even if we’re old and tired?”

I sure hope so. My heart believes so.

Yours always,
Wifey 🙂

Due to the forgetting-our-monthsary brouhaha last week, I’ve decided to be proactive about things again. Since Saturday, I’m trying to shake off my being-in-denial phase. I’m perfectly aware that it’s already the last week of September–pinagalitan ko na nga talaga ang sarili ko dahil heller naman, end of September na eh in denial pa rin ako. At na-realize ko lang na kung tuloy-tuloy ang pagdi-deny ko ay baka naman makalimutan ko na malapit na ang Pasko at hindi ako maging ready para sa gift giving during Christmas.

So this is what Chris and I planned to do while waiting for his visa (of course dapat kasama si husband, alangan namang ako lang hehehe):

Work on our Thank You Cards and send them before Christmas. The etiquette of giving out the TY Cards should be a month after the wedding. Obviously, we’re very late, but then we do have a valid reason. Ang gusto ko kasi ganito, when we give out the TY Cards, we’ll include a photo of us HERE in Sydney and our new home address IN Sydney is stated there. Sort of like telling our beloved guests that we have settled down in Sydney, that they can send snail mails to us via our home address. O diba, ang ganda sana ng idea ko? BUT it’s not happening coz with or without THAT photo, I’m really gonna send out the TY Cards already coz my cousins’ vacationing in the Phils this November and they’re gonna bring it with them. My mom will be the one to send the TY cards to our wedding guests in Phils. As for my idea, it won’t be put to waste, we still plan to do that but we just don’t know when.

Work on choosing the photos for the wedding album and songs for the video. Yes, until now, our photographer/videographer team is still waiting for us to submit the photos we like for the wedding album. Target date of doing this is really October (assuming Chris is already here in Sydney) but again, we’re still not together so we have to do this thing apart. It would’ve been fun doing this together. I’ve asked Chris to take charge on this one since he’s the artist between the two us.

Since the start of September, I never questioned God on why we haven’t been approved yet. Asking God “why?” is something I can’t do because he has been so good to us. Sa totoo lang, minsan nahihiya na akong humingi sa kanya kasi feeling ko ang dami na nyang blessings sa amin. I know there is a reason why this is taking awhile and I know it is something good. Instead of asking why, my question has always been “Is there anything else you need for us to do before you let us be together?” Everyday, that is my question. I try to be very sensitive of signs lately because He might be telling me (us) something that we need to do first before seeing each other.

So far, based on our schedule, these TY Cards and the photos and video are the things we need to do. I realized we need to this now because when we’re together and settling down into our home, we’d be very busy and it might be harder to find time to do this post wedding activities. Other than these things, there’s nothing much I can think of that we should do while waiting. If there is anything more that needs to be done, I’m sure God will lead us to it.

With October coming in and with things to accomplish at hand, a new hope arises in me–I’m feeling much better compared to what I was feeling the last four weeks. As long as there are tasks to accomplish, I really come to life, I feel more alive. No more denial stage for me. I’m back to reality now!

I really can’t remember…I think the last time I visited a library was probably during my college years.

Today, I unexpectedly went to a library in Blacktown. I was hanging out with my Tita and cousins and they needed to drop by the library to return and borrow books again for schoolwork. Since I didn’t have any agenda for myself today, I went with them.

As soon as I’m inside the library, I felt really at home. And then I went on instant “reminiscing mode”:

1.) That I was a student librarian when I was in Grade School. Other than my love for reading books, love ko ding mag-serve sa library check-in and check-out counter, mag-welcome and goodbye sa mga estudyante na pumapasok at lumalabas ng library at mag-arrange ng books according to the Dewey Decimal System. Ayan, now you know how much of a geek I am.

2.) Na kahit lunch time ay nagdu-duty ako sa library, kahit hindi na ako maka-tsika sa mga barkada ko, okay lang.

3.) In school, the library is my refuge. If you can’t find me in the cafeteria, laboratory or tambayan area, you’d definitely find me in the library. Even if there’s no research work or assignment due, I’d still go there and bury myself with tons of books that interests me.

4.) I can stay for hours and hours in the library, I don’t even have to eat. Just leave me there and I’ll be fine. I’ll just leave when it’s time for me to go home.

5.) That one time I felt asleep buried under tons of Psychology books due to the comfort of the cool aircon inside the St. Paul’s Library. And I was probably very very exhausted from thesis and Experimental Psych work.

6.) That I sometimes start and end my day at the library. Before going to class and before going home, I’m there.

Nowadays, my library is the internet. But sometimes it feels good to be surrounded by hundreds of books and be able to read some of them once in a while. More often than not, I just like going back to basics.

This is me on a Saturday morning, inside the library! (Do I really have to have a photo taken inside the library??? hehehe. The geek in me says “Yes!”)

The book that I just had to borrow

For the past two weeks, I’ve been following the story of a certain travel writer/columnist who wrote about not wanting to be in the same airplane with OFWs which instigated several (I think that’s an understatement) negative comments from all parts of the world.

Much has been said and written about the controversy. She resigned from People Asia and Manila Standard Today (MST) last week and so I thought it’s all over. However, last Monday, she wrote an article again at MST who confirmed that they did not accept the writer’s resignation due to personnel issues.

I’m an HR Practictioner and my question is: What personnel issue is there when an employee files a resignation? Anong issue doon? If an employee willingly resigns, the only thing that the manager of the employee and HR can do is to accept it.

If there is indeed a personnel issue, why can’t MST tell the public about it when this controversy started in public anyway?

With so many loopholes in MST’s side of the story, I’m therefore supporting Tingog.com’s campaign against them. Boycott Manila Standard Today “Do not go to their website, do not buy their paper, and anything that they write.”

I sincerely support OFWs all over the world, thus I’m making a stand on this. I’m not putting OFWs on a pedestal nor I’m supporting this just because I am one, I’m simply against anyone or any organization that belittles Filipinos in general. OFWs or not, we must always respect each other, period. What was written on the writer’s article had BIGOTRY and DISCRIMINATION written all over it. And I’m not a supporter of either thing, nor am I a supporter of a newspaper or website that published such.

If you want to know more about what I’m talking about, here are some related links:
1.
Fire Malu Fernandez
2. Statement of the Filipino Press Club in Dubai
3. Media in Focus
4. Renewed Boycott Against Manila Standard Today